It’s March, you know what that means, It’s Netflix Month 2
If 2020 was the year of anything (aside the virus, obviously), it was the year of
streaming. From the launches from the big 2 film studios (Disney+ and HBO Max and I know, Disney+ technically launched in 2019, but it waited until 2020 to release elsewhere))
to the what the f*ck where they thinking launches of things like Quibli,
there’s no doubt that Netflix has stronger competition than it ever had. At the
same time, it can no longer rely on being able to secure the rights to famous
TV shows and films, and will have to rely on their own content.
This year I’ll be doing 2 sequel theme months, concentrating
largely on original programming from streaming services. It’ll be adding a few
new shows to my ever-growing roster.
And we’re starting with Titans, which may confuse those of
you in the US who found the show debuting on the DC Universe app, which is
being rolled into HBO Max for it’s non-comic content, but internationally, it
debuted on Netflix, and since there’s no sign of HBO Max in the UK yet, it’s
still there.
The show gained a level of infamy before its release with a trailer where Dick Grayson says “Fuck Batman” before knocking out a criminal. We’ll get to that momentarily but long story short, its tone became an issue before it even launched. We’ll be covering season 1, the first 11 episodes as part of this theme month and in April we’ll do a special review of the opening episode of season 2. The remaining 12 episodes of season 2 I’ll try and cover next year.
Titans
We open with a mysterious figure going into a tent with a
poor electric supply, it certainly feels like something Zack Snyder would’ve done. It’s
seemingly an abandoned circus tent but an announcement sounds about the Flying
Graysons, who suddenly appear on the trapeze. But as you might expect, the rope
snaps sending the Grayson parents falling to their death. It’s all a dream by
our POV character, Rachel Roth. Her mother tries to console her and get her to
calm down from what felt rather distressing for her.
The mother locks her bedroom door, which is covered in
Christian crosses, one of which falls off as the credits roll. They’re pretty
meh credits to be honest.
We cut to Detroit, where Dick Grayson is watching the world
go by, looking at a case file for someone whose charges were dismissed. He eyes
a black briefcase before coming into work at the Police Station but in case
you’re worried, none of this is actually going to matter in a few episodes. He
has a new partner, Amy Rohrback. He’s rather resistant to having a new partner
because of issues with his last one, something which we’ll see explored in more
depth later.
Rachel’s mother wakes up the next morning and begins taking
her usual diet of pills and booze, and uncovers conveniently shows her a nasty
scar on her abdomen. She’s a bit of a mess, you can see, she barely sleeps,
she’s forgetful, the usual agenda, but Rachel, who is an empath, can sense it’s
at least partially because she’s scared of Rachel. She tries to get Rachel to
pray with her but she’s wants to know more about herself, and the more she
starts to pray, the more frustrated Rachel gets leading to a small push blast
knocking her back. Rachel runs out the door, upset over having done that.
On the school bus, Rachel is accosted by some twat, and is
defended by another guy. Rachel’s sees her reflection use the same the bully
used against her. And the guy who defended her ignores her when she tries to
thank him. The bad day gets worse for Rachel when she arrives home and finds
her mother at gunpoint, forced to admit that she isn’t really her mother,
before being shot dead. Rachel pushes the killer back before making a run for
it.
Dick continues her stakeout, and we get a clearer view of
the crimes the guy’s accused of, including the abuse of his own child. Yeah,
this show is not gonna shy away from stuff like that, not sure if it’s to the
show’s benefit but that’s a problem for another time.
He’s making a drug deal with another group, using kid’s toys
to smuggle them. Robin drops down and immediately everyone assumes Batman is
with him and begin searching the rooftops. You’re in Detroit, why would assume
Batman’s here, why would even assume this is the real Robin? They soon realise
Robin is alone and try to attack him, thinking he’s an easy target. Robin
manages to dispel them of this notion using a combination of extreme violence
and smoke bombs.
He begins beating the child abuser nigh to death and walks
away saying “Fuck Batman.” With that internet meme established, we cut to the
next day. Where Dick is reloading his utility belt, polishing his costume and
removing any trace of his victims’ blood from his shurikens. He gets ready for
his time at work.
The detectives are discussing the fact they have convenient
security footage of Robin. Why do they have security cameras in the alley? Why
would a criminal syndicate use an alley with security cameras to do a drug
deal? Anyway, they’re publicly hoping that Robin is just passing through as he
could attract the usual array of psychopaths and monsters.
Rachel takes a bus for a one-way trip to Detroit, which she
pays for with… I have no idea. She takes a meal at a local shelter is found by
a Youth Worker who wants to set her up in a youth hostel rather than an adult
one. They take a shortcut down an alley, whilst reflections of Rachel tell her
not to trust this woman, eventually she takes them at their word and runs off.
She gets the attention of a nearby police car by throwing a rock at them, and
getting herself arrested.
Dick apparently has a ‘thing’ for helping kids, so is sent
to Rachel. Guys, you don’t have decades of continuity to fall back on like the
comics do. In the comics, that could be a cute reference, but here it’s just
lazy. Rachel recognises him from her dream and asks for his help.
Meanwhile, I was just remembering this show is called Titans
so maybe some of the others should show up. Hey, it’s a very poor looking
Starfire. I guess they thought it might be inappropriate to put orange makeup
all over the black actress and… yeah, they’re probably right. And no, I’m not
suggesting they should’ve hired a white actress either, it likely wouldn’t have
worked either, it’s just a rather crappy looking wig. She’s beside a dead body
because this show is so edgy, guys.
The car she was in crashed, after it was riddled with
bullets, she doesn’t seem to know much but when a car drives along and people
start shooting at her, she runs. Looks like it’s Austrian gangsters, she hides
in the woods and gets herself cleaned up in a nearby petrol station. She
searches her bag, finding a locker key, I think and a passport that tells her
name is Kory Anders.
She finds a hotel key card, she arrives at the Hotel which
is very dimly lit because this is the dark DC Universe. She has the whole top
floor of the Hotel, but finds the key isn’t for anything there. She also speaks
pretty good German. She apparently left the TV on in the room, she finds a guy
she’d tied up earlier and also a phone with a picture of her and some other
unknown. He confesses that they found the girl she was looking for.
He escapes confinement and they fight, with Kory showing her
super-strength. With the wind knocked out of his sails, he confesses the guy in
the photo’s name is Konstantin Kovar, and he’ll be found at a club called Das
Shaman. She kills him immediately, ouch, I think I cut myself on all this edge.
Back with Dick, he begins to question Rachel as to how she
knows about him. He lives in a world where superpowers exist, he must f*cking
realise what’s going on, he’s lived in that world for years. She confesses someone killed
her mother and she was all she had. She touches Dick’s hand and they both see
the immediate aftermath of Dick’s parents being murdered and him being taken in
by Bruce. Of course, they use a stock voice for Bruce since he hasn’t
officially been cast yet.
He says he’ll go check it out, despite being well outside of
his jurisdiction, but Rachel demands to be locked up, in fear of hurting someone
with her powers. Dick calls one of his contacts to check out the supposed
murder. We get a scene of Dick talking to Amy about his ‘partner’ it’s all
double-speak. Describing Batman as a ‘stop at nothing guy who would solve
everything with his fists’ is frankly insulting though.
One of the cops says he’s going to transfer Rachel to be
with the other kids. Grayson gets confirmation of Rachel’s story and it’s clear
he was unaware of this so-called transfer. The officer injects her with a drug
that knocks her out. Fortunately, he’s stupid enough to take her in a cop car
which Grayson can track.
Kory finds her way to Das Shaman, right into the back room
without any resistance. Evidently Mr Kovar is not particularly happy with her.
He attempts to shoot her but her natural bulletproof aura kicks in? She burns
everyone in the room to death. That’s 4 on her kill-count now. She finds a
photo of Rachel Roth, the girl she was intending to find.
Rachel wakes up bound in an apartment, the killer who killed
the mother from earlier. He wants to kill her because of what’s inside her, but
it’s gonna take his sweet time about it because religion, I guess. The cop who
brought her here is choked unconscious by Dick. Rachel screams and gives away
her location. She then unleashes her soul form who finds its way into the guy’s
mouth and kills him. So that’s a kill count of 1 for Rachel.
Deciding she’s not safe in Detroit, Dick takes her away in
an old car.
Mean while in Ohio, a security guard gets off his lazy
PS4-playing ass and follows a trail to a green tiger. A green tiger that eats
computer games, I guess. The Tiger runs off and we see it change back into a
human, enjoying the games that were the fruits of his labour.
This is a very slow episode that should’ve interspersed its
plotlines a bit more. Its edgier bits fall flat because there’s no depth to
them, a problem that will continue throughout both this and the second season.
Rating 6/10
Hawk and Dove
We open with Hawk tied up by some thugs in a garage. They
torture him but when he says nothing, their next threat is to chop off his
balls. Thankfully his partner in crime-fighting, Dove comes to his rescue. Hank Hall and Dawn
Granger are lovers, but he has to soak his injuries, of which has many, in the
bath, whilst downing booze and pills to keep himself from keeling over.
Their plan is to take down this new gun racket, take a good
chunk of their money and use it to start over in Wisconsin. It’s their 3 and a
half year wedding anniversary, and Hank has managed to get her some Doves.
Because Hawk and Dove, get it.
We cut to 4 years ago where Robin helps the two take down a
few gangsters who seem surprisingly well trained in martial arts. Batman had
warned Robin away from the two but Robin doesn’t care, and it’s made pretty
clear he has the hots for Dove. RED ALERT, WE’VE GOT A LOVE TRIANGLE HERE! SEEK
SHELTER IMMEDIATELY!
We cut back to the present and see a photo of the 3 of them
with one other. Donna Troy, as it happens, but we’ll get to her at a later
time. It’s taken over 10 minutes, but now the credits roll. Rachel and Dick
stop in a diner, and I swear that sounds like a metaphor but it isn’t. He asks
if what happened to the killer ever happened before and she swears it didn’t.
They’re off to see some old friends, get a place to lie low
and figure out their next move. Meanwhile, in a morgue, Detective Rohrback is
investigating an unusual murder, all the victim’s major organs burst, aside the
eyes and testicles. I believe this is the guy Rachel killed. They find he has a
raven Tattoo on his back.
Dick scrolls through his phone contacts, and makes a call to
Alfred, saying he needs some help. Meanwhile Rachel is enjoying junk-food and
lounging watching Game of Thrones. When Dick leaves to get Pizza, Rachel finds
his secret computer and googles herself, then Dick. Get those dirty thoughts
out of your mind, dammit!
Unfortunately, in doing so she sees some case notes Dick
asked Rohrback to send him print out, including a photo of the guy’s corpse,
which spooks and gets her evil reflection to start wanting out again. She draws
a cross and starts praying and Dick comforts her when he arrives.
Meanwhile, we get an introduction to the Nuclear Family, a
brother and sister playing monopoly, the world’s most boring game. They receive
a visit from a stranger who says they’re activated and that Rachel is their
target. They each take an injection of chemical sh*t that will factor in later.
Apparently the Raven tattoo puts the killer as part of a doomsday cult that
believe in preventing the end of the world, which feels like a contradiction to
me but what can you do.
Dick, would you mind concentrating on the road? You’re
looking at her or on your phone way too often in this episode. They arrive at
the house, and I guess he forgot to call ahead. Dawn answers and when she
shakes Rachel’s hand, she sees some, let’s call them illicit affairs with Dick.
Hank arrives later and draws all the wrong conclusions from what he’s seeing.
This is why you call ahead.
Dawn manages to calm him down, telling him that with Dick’s
help, the success in shutting down that gun operation might be all the more
certain, and with that done he can finally heal. Though, Hank thinks Dick won’t
agree to because he’s fundamentally selfish or something. During the night, Dick gets a call from Alfred, and comes back from the federal reserve with a stack
of cash, which he hides under some towels. Yeah, he’s planning to dump Rachel
on them and head back to Detroit, maybe Hawk was right.
Still, Dick does agree to look at their gunrunners case,
they look to be selling guns to kids. He begins to say what he really wants and
you really should’ve just opened with it. This girl is on the run from some bad
people and needs protection. She may also have meta-powers so we need people who
can cope with that? I actually have no idea whether Hawk and Dove actually have
powers in this version or not, though more likely not.
Instead it’s a continued look at Dick Grayson’s psyche. I’m
honestly trying to spare you the details because it’s so vague and
uninteresting. Rachel stops a fight between Hank and Dick and they see her
powers manifest for the first time.
Meanwhile, with Detective Rohrback, she prepares a liquid
supper, finding a child crying in the corner, it’s the nuclear family, who ask
her where Dick Grayson is, attacking her with knives. We don’t know whether she
survives [she doesn't]. Hank and Dawn are about to head off to do their mission, which
through Dick’s analysis earlier, seems more like a suicide mission. Dick is
left to take care of Rachel, who encourages him to help them.
And they may well need it as what seemed to be an easy
mission turned out to be an ambush, and they’re quickly surrounded. Dick uses
stealth to take them out with brutal violence. Meanwhile, Rachel stumbles upon
the money Dick was going to leave them, realising what Dick was up to. When
they return, Rachel is up on the roof with the doves. And eventually the truth
has to come out.
Before any lasting damage can be done, the Nuclear Family
attack, knocking Hank out, and throwing Dick and Dawn off the roof. Dick
manages to hold onto the roof and keep himself alive. Dawn wasn’t so lucky,
she’s still alive but barely as a poor looking CGI Raven flies in.
This show is far too obsessed with Dick Grayson, and not
enough with the Titans. Titans should be a show about a team, it’s not aided by
some really poor dialogue from pretty much everyone.
Rating 5/10
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